Still Insane

The pain still hasn't gone away... Exercise is suppose to help with mood... But how does one get the motivation to actually work out? If you were to see me randomly at the beach, you would never guess that this would be a guy who has a problem with motivating himself to work out.... Hell, even if you knew me.... Seeing that I'm in school to be a personal trainer.

I don't think it's the lack of motivation to work out... It's actually the lack of motivation to wanna "cover things up" with a runner's high or nice release of endorphins... That's basically what it would be doing... Just covering up the real pain... The real problem... I don't want to do that... Although, it would more than likely be one of the best things I can do right now without actually going crazy...

I've been in the heartache situation before, and I've learned that working out... Only makes things worse... You tend to go harder than you should... Longer... You literally rip your body apart...


not good.

I need to be in shape for an upcoming season... I'm in great shape now... So I know that if I go out for a workout, it's gonna end up being a Long Painful one...

I've had some time to talk to this girl... about tha situation... but we're always cut off... Because the guy shows up... and I'm left hangin... not knowin....where she stands... or anything of the sort.

We both agree on one thing though... It's not right. Not right at all, and something needs to happen to fix it.

Cold Turkey made things worse.
Pumpin the breaks is too painful for us both...

What kind of solution could there possibly be?


I watched the finale of the bachelor tonight... and it just pissed me off and made things twice as bad.
Here I was hoping it would be a clear-cut choice... Easy... But no. He says he wants them both... and then chooses the one that was the obvious "don't choose".

Thinking about it more and more, I think the main thing that draws us together is everyone telling us that we can't be. When we're around eachother, we don't really seem like we like eachother... that's how strange it is. Just the fact that we're able to be in the same area... Is good enough for us.
Strange.

I know.

It's driving me insane because I know that I don't want a relationship with anyone besides who I'm with... Is it possible to have a best friend who is not your girlfriend? I think that's what is actually happening. I've made up my mind... After all my tests tomorrow, I'm going to hit the roads for a nice run then hit tha weights... I'm not going alone though. That will indeed be trouble...

I guess the only thing I can do right now is cover up the pain.

Awesome...

More to come as it develops...